Where Pastors Can Find Friends Outside the Ministry

Pastors, don't live your lives in quiet desperation because you have no friends. There are places to find them.
Pastors, don't live your lives in quiet desperation because you have no friends. There are places to find them. (Lightstock )

Life and ministry are way too hard to do alone. I want to encourage pastors and their spouses to reject the notion that ministry is a sentence to solitary confinement.

Here are a few places to look for friends with whom you can share life outside the ministry:

Affinity Groups

When my wife, Janet, and I moved to Nashville 15 months ago, we prayed for friends. A week later, God sent Greg and Erica, who I wrote about last week in Why Multi-Racial Friendships Matter. We also asked God for some friends with whom we could share our love for the outdoors. Janet enjoys backpacking and I love to bow hunt. Someone at LifeWay reminded me that professional hunter and television host Jimmy Sites lived near us. I met Jimmy once ten years ago when he spoke at our Beast Feast men's outreach event. Within a week of that call, Jimmy and I were kayaking on a nearby lake together with our wives. God is good!

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I wonder how many of my unanswered prayers are actually just prayers that I never prayed. I am sharing my recent friendship experiences with you to encourage you to take the initiative with God and also with people who live all around you.

Church Members

Can pastors have friendships in the churches they serve in? Some old school ministers believed that a pastor should not be friends with church members. Do not confuse friendship with favoritism or you will fall prey to this isolation trap. Your church is more than your job; it is also your faith family.

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13:34-35, MEV).

Your church certainly needs you, but you also need them. If you don't have a friend in your life, maybe you should look first in your church. But also look beyond the church into the community where you live. If not, you are missing out, or maybe worse—burning out.

Mentors and Mentees

For three decades, I have made an intentional effort to have a mentor, a mentee and a ministry peer in my life. These three relationships have become firewalls for me against isolation, loneliness and spiritual drift. I wrote three posts about mentoring in June, so I will only add here that those in your mentoring relationships can also be included into your inner friendship circle.

"If we love one another, God dwells in us, and His love is perfected in us" (1 John 4:12, MEV).

I hope that you will make many friends in the ministry, but please do not stop there. Additionally, pursue friendships outside of the ministry that will make your life richer. They will inadvertently make your ministry healthier too because healthy pastors lead healthy churches.

Mark Dance serves as director of LifeWay Pastors. Mark serves pastors by hosting date nights and roundtables, as well as speaking at retreats, conferences and seminars. Prior to LifeWay, Mark pastored churches for 27 years.

For the original article, visit lifeway.com/pastors.

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